The Hidden Hazards of Hoarding

My name is Amy and my mom is a hoarder. She has been a hoarder for as long as I can remember, but through the years, has varied in her level of control over her affliction. The house was livable when I was young – I have (fading) memories of family gatherings and slumber parties…the happier years. While those memories cease to exist at about age 14, I feel fortunate to have even had them. Many children of hoarders, including my younger sisters, haven’t been so lucky.

I am in my 30s now and have long since left “the nest”, choosing to let go of the anger/disappointment/disgust/etc. that I’ve harbored towards my mom and her hoarding. It took time, therapy and a lot of soul searching for me to get to that point, but I really thought I had reached a Post-Hoard Nirvana. That is, until a recent family tragedy brought all those feelings back in an unexpected instant.

Out of respect for those involved, I won’t get into specifics, but essentially my youngest sister (12 years old) was in a very tragic car accident with two other family members, one of whom did not survive. My sister’s condition was critical and her status was changing it seemed almost every minute. To say it was an extremely stressful, uncertain time would be a gross understatement.

Once we passed the critical stage and things were looking more positive, it was decided that my sister would be moved to a Children’s Hospital where staff were better trained to help someone so young through such a traumatic ordeal. My mom rode in the ambulance, leaving me and my other 2 sisters to make the 1.5 hour drive from the original hospital to the new Children’s Hospital.

Sounds fairly “normal” so far, right? Well, this is where the hazards of hoarding come into play. My mom is a compulsive shopper/hoarder, and it is not uncommon for her 7-seater SUV to be filled with her most recent purchases. This day was no exception. Her car contained so much stuff that, out of 7 possible seats, only the driver and one passenger could fit. It would be impossible for me and both of my sisters to ride together. “That’s what happens when you try to use a hoarder’s car”, one of my sisters commented.

In that instant, I felt all of the negative emotions from my youth come flooding back. How unfair that, at a time like this, my sisters and I were left yet again to deal with my mom’s problem. Normal people would be able to drive together without even having to think about it. Not us though. Our family isn’t anything close to normal.

Fortunately, we had two family friends who volunteered to drive one of us to the new hospital. They didn’t complain about the 3-hour round-trip this meant for them, or the fact that it was 1am and they had to work the next day. It was a true act of selfless generosity, and somehow I found myself apologizing. Not for anything I had done, but for my mom’s hoarding and the side effects it had on them. And then I got angry. Angry that my 30-something-year-old self somehow found herself back to square one.

The Nightline piece about Hoarders, featuring my family

Last night, ABC's Nightline aired an episode about Hoarders and my family was featured. Dorothy Breninger, the organizer that worked with my mom during the A&E Hoarders show is featured as well.

ABC Nightline features my family regarding our "Hoarders" episode

This week ABC's Nightline News posted an article about Hoarding and how it affects different people. The article features Dorothy Breninger, the organizer who worked with my mom, Janet, back in November for the A&E "Hoarders" episode. Here is what they had to say about us:

'I Felt Really Helpless'
Janet Lamping, who, with Breininger's help, cleared the overwhelming mess that filled her house, insists hoarding is not a mental disorder. Lamping said she did not consider herself a hoarder, and the problem is manageable. "I can hear [Breininger] saying, 'Do it now, put it in a box, get rid of it, get it out of here,'" said Lamping. Lamping's house still has rooms that aren't clutter-free, but she says she's working on it.

In Lamping's case, as in many hoarding cases, a loved one called for help. Lamping's daughter Amy was desperate. "I felt really helpless, and kind of like I was watching a train wreck in slow motion every time I came home," Amy Lamping said. "It was very painful, and I think I dealt with it just by leaving, staying away as much as I could."

She said she doesn't share her mom's optimism that all the work done cleaning up her mom's house has solved the problem still buried underneath. "I don't know that I could say that my mom is completely better yet," Amy Lamping said. "I don't think you can just jump right out of something like this because it's taken years and years to get to where it was. It's going to take years to get out of it, I think."

To view full article, click here
By NEAL KARLINSKY and ELOISE HARPER
March 3, 2010

The San Gabriel Valley Tribune covers our "Hoarders" story

Read the recent article about my family's episode on A&E's Hoarders as published by the San Gabriel Valley Tribune.

When her husband died, her house became a reflection of herself and her family life. There was so much stuff piled up that there was no room to walk, nowhere to put anything. The devastation of Tom's death caused Janet to turn to compulsive hoarding, which is when an individual obsessively accumulates so much excessive clutter that it creates a debilitating and cramped environment. Even a photo of Tom, a Whittier Police Department sergeant, sat on top of clutter. But in a fateful moment that changed her life, cable channel A&E chose her story for the show "Hoarders." Things would change for the better.

We're gonna be on the Bonnie Hunt Show!

So most of you by now know that my mom was recently featured on A&E's show Hoarders. It was a scary thing to reveal such a long-kept secret on national television, but the response we've received has been nothing but positive.

Well, it seems that Bonnie Hunt also thought my mom's story was interesting enough to invite my family to be on her show. So yesterday we all traveled to Culver City and got to meet Bonnie Hunt. She is an amazing person, totally down to earth and extremely genuine. That's always nice to see in someone of celebrity status. I'll probably post more about the experience, but for now, be sure to watch our episode on March 10th!

Day 3 after the Hoarders episode aired

Well, it has been 3 days since the Hoarders episode aired and so far, the response seems to be very positive. I've gotten some emails from friends who saw the show offering support and wishing us the best. My mom has also gotten a lot of encouragement not only from friends & family, but from viewers who commented in the A&E forum. I'm so thankful that people are being compassionate because I know she was terrified of what others would think. She seems to have more motivation to get through the mountain of boxes after watching the show.

I also had a co-worker come up to me today to tell me that he saw the show and that his mom suffers from the same condition. He has been wanting to do something about it but had no idea how to start. I hope he decides to get help!

Yes, that is my family on A&E's Hoarders

About a month ago, I wrote to A&E asking for help with my mom's hoarding. Shockingly, they read my letter and within a week, the schedule was set for them to come help my mom. I know she was absolutely terrified to air her "dirty laundry" on national tv, but she agreed to get help and try to move forward with her life.

The team that came to our house was extremely gracious...very professional and respectful. By the end of the 2 days it felt like we had an extended family. We were all joking and laughing while we powered through the task at hand.

Tonight the show aired, to view the full episode click here.

Red Light, Green Light!

Today my mom talked to the producer of Hoarders and had agreed to let her pitch our story to the network. There is no guarantee they will give our story the "green light" but just having the chance feels like a little light at the end of a long, dark, cluttered tunnel. I'm crossing my fingers and leaving it to the TV Gods to decide.

How to confront a Hoarder

Today I told my mom that she is a hoarder. About a week ago, I wrote to the A&E show "Hoarders" and they are now interested in telling our story. The trick is, however, that I have to get her on board. They don't confront or ambush anyone, so she has to agree to participate before they will come to our house. If you know my mom at all, you know that the chance of her first admitting she has a problem, then agreeing to address it on national TV seems less likely than a quick overhaul to the US Healthcare system. At this point, however, I'm willing to try anything.

I spent my day thinking about what I was going to say, how I was going to say it and researching intervention tactics. No sense in recreating the wheel, right?

The hour finally came and I met my mom at a local restaurant (neutral territory...excellent). We started with the usual chit-chat, ordered an appetizer and then BAM...I drop the bomb. "Mom", I begin "I have something to tell you and I need you to hear me with an open mind and try not to react until I've said what I need to say." She would later tell me that she thought she was about to hear an engagement or pregnancy announcement...not quite!

I continued to explain the situation, all the while remaining calm and trying not to put her on the defense. Based on past attempts at intervening, I fully expected my mom to shut down and refuse to talk about the house. To my complete shock, I couldn't have been more wrong. My mom listened while I relayed my experience of living in a house I did not feel comfortable inviting friends to along with my ever-increasing concern for my younger sisters that still live there. I could tell it wasn't easy for her to hear, her body language had slowly changed from sitting up straight to a subtle slouch of the shoulders and hunched back - nearing fetal position.

I knew it was very difficult for her to hear, but this was my only chance. I was on a mission - if I succeeded then my mom (and family) would have a chance to turn things around. If I failed, the house would be a lost cause in my eyes and the chance of my youngest sister being taken away would become a terrifying but likely possibility.

I can't describe the joy I felt when, at the end of my plea, my mom agreed to talk to a producer the next day. I had just achieved the impossible! My mom was going to talk to someone about getting help! I was completely aware of the fact that my mom had simply agreed to talk to a producer, not actually do the show, but you could have told me Johnny Depp was waiting to whisk me away to his private island where we'd live happily ever after - I was equally as excited.

We concluded our dinner, my mom feeling uneasy (she wanted to do some research about the show) but curious, and me feeling surprised and victorious!