The Hidden Hazards of Hoarding

My name is Amy and my mom is a hoarder. She has been a hoarder for as long as I can remember, but through the years, has varied in her level of control over her affliction. The house was livable when I was young – I have (fading) memories of family gatherings and slumber parties…the happier years. While those memories cease to exist at about age 14, I feel fortunate to have even had them. Many children of hoarders, including my younger sisters, haven’t been so lucky.

I am in my 30s now and have long since left “the nest”, choosing to let go of the anger/disappointment/disgust/etc. that I’ve harbored towards my mom and her hoarding. It took time, therapy and a lot of soul searching for me to get to that point, but I really thought I had reached a Post-Hoard Nirvana. That is, until a recent family tragedy brought all those feelings back in an unexpected instant.

Out of respect for those involved, I won’t get into specifics, but essentially my youngest sister (12 years old) was in a very tragic car accident with two other family members, one of whom did not survive. My sister’s condition was critical and her status was changing it seemed almost every minute. To say it was an extremely stressful, uncertain time would be a gross understatement.

Once we passed the critical stage and things were looking more positive, it was decided that my sister would be moved to a Children’s Hospital where staff were better trained to help someone so young through such a traumatic ordeal. My mom rode in the ambulance, leaving me and my other 2 sisters to make the 1.5 hour drive from the original hospital to the new Children’s Hospital.

Sounds fairly “normal” so far, right? Well, this is where the hazards of hoarding come into play. My mom is a compulsive shopper/hoarder, and it is not uncommon for her 7-seater SUV to be filled with her most recent purchases. This day was no exception. Her car contained so much stuff that, out of 7 possible seats, only the driver and one passenger could fit. It would be impossible for me and both of my sisters to ride together. “That’s what happens when you try to use a hoarder’s car”, one of my sisters commented.

In that instant, I felt all of the negative emotions from my youth come flooding back. How unfair that, at a time like this, my sisters and I were left yet again to deal with my mom’s problem. Normal people would be able to drive together without even having to think about it. Not us though. Our family isn’t anything close to normal.

Fortunately, we had two family friends who volunteered to drive one of us to the new hospital. They didn’t complain about the 3-hour round-trip this meant for them, or the fact that it was 1am and they had to work the next day. It was a true act of selfless generosity, and somehow I found myself apologizing. Not for anything I had done, but for my mom’s hoarding and the side effects it had on them. And then I got angry. Angry that my 30-something-year-old self somehow found herself back to square one.

The Ultimate Measure of a Man - A Tribute to Steve Cary

 

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

 – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

On Thursday, October 13^th, 2011, Steve Cary saved 3 lives. The life of his wife, Gloria, the life of his 12-year old niece, Savannah and the life of a stranger who’s truck came smashing head-on into that convertible he was so proud of. I can’t imagine what thoughts he must have processed in those split seconds before the crash, but somehow he managed to angle his car just enough so his body would absorb the majority of the impact.
 

In a mere moment, my Uncle Steve faced the ultimate challenge…and he took a stand. He chose to protect the lives of his loved ones, at the cost of his own. Why he was placed in this position, I don’t know. I will probably never know. For now I take comfort in remembering him in life, not in the moments before his death.

Each one of us has our favorite memories of Steve. For me it was a quick chat about photography at a family gathering. Or sitting under the stars in Yosemite talking about traveling the world during his Navy days. Or simply pointing out how cool the bird that just flew by was. And that’s what was so great about him. He was always curious, always learning and always teaching.

Steve was also a solid man who could be counted on when storms were at sea. For my sister Savannah, he picked up where my dad left off – acting as the father figure she so desperately needed in her young and already arduous life.

It is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to such a heroic man. His sacrifice has humbled me to my core. I am a better person having known him and I will never forget all that he has taught me.

A slice of Humble Pie served up in Atlanta

POW!...
Just when I started thinking my morning was getting complicated, I get smacked in the face with a dose of reality.

I'll start from the beginning (nutshell version)...
Heading to LAX. Early dawn flight. Worked late. Procrastinated packing. No sleep. Flying standby. Reservation issue. VERY rude United employee. Delta cures all, but 6 hour delay.

And here's where the life lesson comes in...
I managed to sleep the entire leg from Austin to Atlanta and woke up to the plane landing (abruptly jerking me out of snooze-ville). Still groggy, I started thinking back to that rude employee and cursing the fact that I missed my non-stop and now have to spend 6 more hours on a plane. Then my neighbor lifts the window shade and we see it. The American flag with a soldier in full uniform waiting next to it. And it hits us. That soldier is waiting for a body. A soldier's body that has been below us this entire flight.

I'm instantly humbled when I think about the family and friends who will receive that body later today. Suddenly those 6 hours stuck on a plane feel more like a gift rather than an inconvenience. Heck, even the screaming baby two rows behind me doesn't sound as ear piercing.

OK Travel Gods, I hear you and I'm listening, ever thankful. Life is good. :)

SXSW Success!

I had a great time at my first-ever South by Southwest. It took a lot of energy and I lost a lot of sleep, but I saw quite a few great bands and really got a feel for what this town has to offer. Plus I only spend around $60 over the course of 4 nights!!!

Here's a list of who I saw:

Wednesday 3/16
AWOL Nation at Rusty Spurs
Flogging Molly at ACL Moody Theater
Queens of the Stone Age at La Zona Rosa
Duran Duran at Stubb's

Thursday 3/17
Skrillex at Cheer Up Charlie's (video below)
Moby at Cheer Up Charlie's
The Strokes at Auditorium Shores
Smoosh at Cedar Street Courtyard
The Bangles at Cedar Street Courtyard

Friday 3/18
City & Color at Stubb's
Airborne Toxic Event at Stubb's
Scala and The Kolacny Brothers at Stubb's
OMD at Stubb's

Sunday 3/20
Olin and the Moon at Cheer Up Charlie's

I have to say, while it's hard being away from friends/family, I'm feeling a lot more confident in my decision to move. There is so much to do here now that the weather is warm, it's hard to sit around and feel lonely. Yeehaw!

Hello Sunshine!

After an unusually cold winter (even here in TX), Spring has finally sprung!

First Steps on a Photowalk

Went on my first ever photowalk today in South Austin along 1st Street. It was a great time, I think I'm hooked! Enjoy the photos, I'm sure there will be more to come.

Photowalk - South 1st

Nature calls as snow falls

Ahem...I don't know how else to put this, but nature called this morning at approximately 3am. Normally this is not blog-worthy news, however, today was not our typical Austin morning. As most of you already know, Mother Nature has been flexing her winter muscles, leaving a large portion of the country under arctic layers of snow, sleet and ice. Austin has been seeing freezing temperatures for the past week, and was now supposedly facing a chance of snow. That's right...SNOW. In TEXAS! I didn't think it was possible, but despite my doubts, I peeked out my curtains to take a look.

You can probably imagine my surprise when my eyes met a sight I thought I'd never see here. A thin, fluffy, white blanket already covered the lawn in front of my apartment and tiny snowflakes continued to fall from the sky. Being a SoCal native, this is quite a rare sight for me to witness. Snow is something I prefer to experience in photos, on facebook, while I'm soaking up the sun by the pool. Heck, I even considered ditching all my winter clothes before I headed  out here - surely I wouldn't need them down in the Lonestar State!

It was 3am so the city was still sleeping, and even though I didn't want to accept it, I had to appreciate the magic of the moment. Embracing my enchantment, I layered up, grabbed the camera and opened the door. The frigid air bit through my long johns, searing straight through to my bones, but I was on a mission. Even my cat, Cooper, caught a whiff of curiosity. He put one of his California kitty paws in the snow (ok, so I might have "helped" him) and quickly b-lined it back to the front door. After a few more minutes I realized he was right. My paws were practically frozen too. Satisfied that I has captured the moment, I went back inside and turned the heater up to a more comfortable 75 degrees.

Snow Day!